persevering

Up In Flames

joyouschild Doing it on My Own, Faithwalk, On the Inside, Trusting the Father , ,

Last week, while visiting my folks, my dad and I took a ride in the golf cart.

First, we smelled a funny, plastic-y kind of smell.  “What’s that smell, Dad?”

“Not sure.”  He keeps driving the golf cart, telling me about the houses we are passing.

“The smell is not going away, Dad…”

He keeps driving.

“Daddy, there’s smoke!”

Now he stops the golf cart and we get out.

Dad pulls up the seat…and flames come out!

We send a passer-by to the gate house a few hundred feet away for the fire extinguisher.

By the time this gentleman returns, the cart is fully engulfed in flames, and we run to the gatehouse to have them call the fire department.

The fire department comes to put out the blaze, leaving only a charred pile of plastic and a bit of metal that has to be scraped from the road.

Five minutes…just five minutes…and the golf cart lay in ruins.

How equally quickly my attitude can go up in flames!

I can be sailing along, leaving the future to God, not feeling pressure and stress, holding firmly to God’s hand…when out of the blue…

Flames!  Smoke!  Meltdown!

I have to ask myself…why?

My dad’s fire was caused by a battery issue.  Could the cause of mine be the same?

Did I recharge with my daily dose of Godly encouragement through Bible reading and study?  Have I spent enough time on maintenance, seeking from the Lord what about me needs to change?

In those instances of “fire,” the answer is…probably not.

While I am not sure whether my dad’s golf cart fire could be prevented, I am pretty sure my “fire” could have been.

I resolve to work harder at the PM (preventative maintenance) to avoid the fires…and their consequences of burning me and others.

Do your best to present yourself to God as one approved, a worker who does not need to be ashamed and who correctly handles the word of truth. – 2 Timothy 2:15

Of Course I Will!

joyouschild Faithwalk, Joy in the Journey, Persevering through Pain, Trusting the Father , , ,
My hope is built on nothing less than Jesus’ blood and righteousness.
I dare not trust the sweetest frame but wholly lean on Jesus’ name.

It has been one of those days.

I woke up with a headache.  I cried at the breakfast table because I felt unappreciated by my children.  I cried on my walk because Keith was not here.  He (usually) knew how to make me feel better when I was in one of these moods.

I walked along, tears flowing…whining to God (gotta be honest here).

I knew I was about to reach where Renee stands in the morning, waiting for the school bus with her charge.  I met Renee walking but found out she attends the same Wednesday night service I do.  I dried my tears and smiled.

“Good morning, Renee!”

“Hi, Liz.  How are you this morning?”

“Fine, thanks!  How about you?”

“Good, thanks.”

“Great!  Have a good day!”

And I walked a few more steps.

Then God spoke to me in my spirit.  Nope.  Own in.  Go back.  Tell her.

So, swallowing my pride, I broke stride from my walking and went back.

“Actually, that’s not entirely true.  I am having one of those mornings.  Will you please pray for me?”

With a big hug, Renee said, “Bless your heart!  Of course I will!”

And I walked on, feeling better.  Provision!

I could now hear the birds singing.  I even found a quarter…that will go in the missions box the boys and I are currently filling.  I smiled at the others I normally see and speak to on my walk.  My world had tilted back in the right direction.

My morning was just some of life’s “light and momentary troubles” (2 Corinthians 4:17).  They happen to us all.  Jesus promised they would.

I am thankful for a God who is gracious enough to put people in my path (literally) for the times when I need them.  And I am thankful that He knows I sometimes need that extra little push to take what He has so graciously given to me.  Sometimes, it is just a matter of me looking beyond myself  As I reflected on this, I could see many blessings in my life, things that had been hidden from me as my thoughts circled myself instead of the bigger picture.

At the end of my walk today, I ran into my sometimes-walking-buddie Carol.  We greeted each other and she asked how I was.  And I could honestly tell her that I am doing…OK.

Praise God!

In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.  — John 16:33

The Importance of Being

joyouschild Faithwalk, Griefwork, Persevering through Pain, The Storms of Life, Trusting the Father , ,

I have a dear friend walking her days with a very serious illness.  No one but God knows what the outcome will be.

Sitting with her this week, she had a lot of questions for me…about Keith’s last months and days.  She is exploring and preparing for what may be.

I knew the questions were coming.  I knew she was thinking.  I was blessed to be able to share.  Keith would approve, too.  He loved this dear woman, too.

The talk went fairly smoothly…not too many tears from either of us.  I told her some things that the average person does not know about that last day…some even my family does not know.  That day was hard, personal, and very private in some ways.

This dear, sweet, Christian lady told me again and again that she is not sure what she is supposed to do.  She said she keeps asking God, but is just not sure what to do.  I gave her some form of answer, but felt there was more to say.

I have thought about that statement all week and have come to some conclusions, which I am sharing with you all…and with her.

Sometimes being is enough.

We are go-getters, especially as Americans, I think.  We feel that we need to be doing, acting all the time.  I think part of it comes from all the opportunities we have here…constant entertainment, work, activities for ourselves and our families.

It is hard for us to be still and know that He is God.  But sometimes that is all we can do.

Be still.  Know.

This precious lady is in the palm of God’s hand.  He has her.  He has this illness.  He will heal her — this side of Heaven or that.  In that she can rest and just be.

She can be other things, too, even from her sick bed:  wife, mother, grandmother, friend, sister.

The bottom line is that none of us is guaranteed tomorrow.  None.

I have a couple dear friends who lost their spouses in the conflicts in Iraq and Afghanistan.  They had more of an inkling, perhaps, that something could happen.  I have other friends whose spouses took some sort of a trip (fishing or to the dump) and never came back.  Others faced longer sickness, multiple tests, lingering, and finally failing, hope of healing here on earth.

That is life here.  Death happens.  To some sooner than others.  To some with more warning than others.  To all eventually.

We all face the life-and-death questions that this sweet sister faces, whether we realize it or not.

This is not scary…or shouldn’t be.  God’s got it.  He is in control.  His Word says that again and again.

And sometimes all we can do is be…and the most important thing we can be is His child.

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. – Jeremiah 29:11

Mousetraps

joyouschild Faithwalk, Persevering through Pain, The Storms of Life, Trusting the Father , ,

This morning I saw a mouse run across my kitchen floor.  I literally heard the little scampering feet and looked up to see a little dark streak out of the corner of my eye.

My first reaction was to fuss at Dakota, our Great Pyrenees, who was not 6 feet from there, dozing while I did my Bible study.  She should be reacting to this little invader.  She surely reacts strongly enough to every random car and child on a bicycle that comes near the house.

Next, I stalked the little critter to see if I could tell where he had gone. Alas, no luck!  I also had no shoes on, if he did run out at me.  Yes, I would stomp him if I could.  Bloodthirsty or no, he has invaded my territory and the gloves are off.  He’s going down!

So, I pulled out my box of mouse-eliminating paraphernalia.  Oh, I have some of everything!  Old fashioned, standard mousetraps, and glue traps of various shapes and sizes.  (I don’t do poison because of dogs and children.)  They are now placed in some strategic locations.

Then I started looking for the why of the situation.  Is there spilled food somewhere that I missed that is attracting him?  I checked in the pantry and then headed to the garage.  Sure enough, I found a ton of dog food on the floor behind the dog food container.  Note to self:  find a better way for the 5-year old to dip up the dog food.  I cleaned up the dog food and went back to my Bible study.

I probably should have been more prepared, had my traps out already.  It is fall and we have had some cooler days.  Inevitably this time of year, some furry critter is foolish enough to try to find hospitality at the Wright house.  And, inevitably, he never makes it out alive.  I am determined here.  I don’t want those nasty creatures in my home, touching my stuff.

But am I this determined when it comes to keeping out the nastiest creature of all — Satan?

Y’all, I had a whole blog post prepared for this morning.  Reading back over it, it was a bit…whiny.  I know that days like this come, that they are part of life here on this rock, especially in grief, but do I need to wallow in them?

I had been unprepared for the Creature scurrying in under cover of night whispering yuckies in my ear…and he is the one who is in charge of the night!  I should have expected him.  I should have been better prepared to handle the situation, both before and after.  That negative poison is no good for me…and certainly is not good to spew out and pass on in this venue.

In my personal Bible study this morning, I was reading toward the end of the book of Nehemiah.  The remnant who had returned rebuilt the wall in record time, and they praised God for that, but they still had some concerns…chiefly, their brothers and sisters still in captivity.

Know what they did?  They spent time rereading to the assembly the Word of God and retelling the God story they had been given.

My God story over the past nearly-five years could fill a book…in fact, I hope to do just that.

God has been there, there, there!  By recounting that story, remembering all the times He has taken care of me, held me up, saved me from the darkness that could envelope me…I can be free of it.

But it is all about choice.

I have to be prepared, then be ready to take action…away from Satan and toward God.

God can handle my bad days.  After all, He knew they were coming.  In His word, He says “in this world you will have trouble” (John 16:33).  But He also says to take heart, for He has overcome the world.

So my whining will be replaced by rejoicing.  It could be much worse than it is.  Those negative thoughts, that whiny-ness serves no purpose.  I can acknowledge the tough days to God and move on.

The ugly little thoughts are going down, just like the critter in my house.  I am determined!

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;in all your ways acknowledge Him,and He will make your paths straight. – Proverbs 3:5

A Tale of Two Gifts

joyouschild Faith Community, Faithwalk, Griefwork, Joy in the Journey, Trusting the Father , ,

This week I got two precious gifts of flowers.

My sweet friend Shari, knowing that Keith’s birthday had just passed, and knowing that gifts are my love language, sent a wonderful dozen multicolored roses. They grace my kitchen counter in their full array, seeming to burst further open each day, yet staying fresh and lovely.  As I looked this morning, their centers are actually starting to show, they have opened so far…yet not a petal has fallen.  They are some of the prettiest roses I have ever received.  They make me smile just looking at them.

The other gift was much different…but equally as sweet.  A four-year old girl came with her mom for the first time to Bible study.  As she left her house, she picked a clover from her front yard, and told her mom she wanted to take it to “Mrs. Liz.”  When she arrived, she shyly presented me with her gift, and we found a vase to put it on my kitchen counter.  This sweet little clover is one of the sweetest gifts I have ever received.

It seems to be a week for me to receive gifts…and God has been no exception.

I have been studying the gift of manna to the Israelites this week, and this gift has a special meaning to me.

God’s provision and His grace floor me…quite literally.

A few weeks after Keith died, a woman called me to come do a security investigation on one of my neighbors for his new government-related job.  This is a pretty routine thing in our area.  As we were talking about my neighbor and the family, I talked about how they had been assisting me since Keith had died, which I found to be a strong indicator of their character and beliefs.

The woman asked me if I was a believer and we started talking about things that were a lot more important than Chris’s security clearance.

She told me the story of her church, which had been going through a really rough time and had lost a couple young members of the congregation.  Her preacher had preached on manna as part of his messages of healing, and about God’s grace wrapped up in that manna each morning.

For the Israelites, there was always enough manna for each morning.  Whether they collected a little or a lot, when they measured the amount, it was always enough to meet their needs.  Not extra, not some to save for tomorrow, but always enough.  As long as they tried, it was enough.

As a result of our conversation…and her promise to pray for me, I am sure…I started mentally picking up my manna for the day each morning as I nursed baby Tanner.

And I got by.

More than that…we continued to thrive as a family.  The manna was enough.

I get asked all the time, “How do you do it?”

The answer is daily reliance on my Savior.  In my own strength I cannot do this.  Not for a day.  Not for an hour.  Probably not for a minute.

In my own strength, I am short-tempered, sometimes mean, and often whiny.

I do not do this in my own strength.

Every day, I am in nearly constant communication with my Lord…through His Word; through His people; through prayer; through uplifting music; through wise words from books, devotions, and sermons.

And it is enough.

The manna has always, always, always been there.

And I know it always will be.

Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows. – James 1:17

Waste Not, Want Not

joyouschild Griefwork, Persevering through Pain, The Power of the Witness, The Storms of Life , ,

How many of us have heard that old analogy?  Waste not, want not.

I know my mom used to quote it to me regularly in relation to the food on my plate.

But do we think of this analogy in relation to our spiritual life…to our pain and sorrow?

When Keith died there was, obviously, pain — pain galore.  Deep, abiding pain, that put a pall on everything for a time.

But God is not a God of waste.  In His economy, it is ALL for good, it is ALL usable, it is ALL glorious.

Waste not, want not.

You only have to look at the way the world works together to see that this is true.

Forest fires cause destruction, but also allow for elements to be added to the soil, and for the undergrowth to see the light of day.

Should it be any wonder to us that our grief is the same?

In the greater community, I am able to be an example, a light, a hand to reach out to another — if I take up the challenge that is before me.  I am able to use the lessons learned to show my children, my friends, and others around me the power and awesomeness of our Lord.

Waste not, want not.

Also implied in this statement is that if we waste what we have been given, we will be wanting.

If I had curled in a corner when Keith died and stayed there, I would have missed so much along the way.

Closer relationships, including with God Himself.  Revival in our hearts and in our church.  Beauty out of the ashes.  All precious, precious gifts!

And so, for as much as it hurts, I would not have traded this journey for the world.  Even if I could have Keith back.

Waste not, want not.

Amen and amen! 

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose. – Romans 8:28

It’s Not in the Owner’s Manual…or is it?

joyouschild Persevering through Pain, Trusting the Father , ,

So what I thought on my car was no big deal is really a need for a MAJOR REPAIR or…(gulp!)…a NEW CAR.  Sigh.

Blessedly, this is not a right away need, but a near future need.  So I have time…to think.  Thank the Lord, because something like this takes time for me.  What I know about cars could fit on their dipstick and still register as add oil (total pun intended, since that is where my car problem lies).  This puts me at a definite disadvantage when stuff like this happens.

I have to take it slow to figure out what to do, to make the right decision.  I have already asked the advice of a couple of my “car guy” friends and plan to ask a couple more.  Thank God for Steve and Craig and Diana’s brother and Billy and George!  I have researched on the internet this problem with my car and found out what others have done and what it cost.  Beyond that, I am praying…and praying…and praying.

This kind of stuff is not in a manual…and I think it is natural to fear making a mistake.  There is no definite answer, but various opinions.  Fix or cut my losses and run?  Keep the big gas guzzler or downsize a bit?  Buy new or buy used?

And in my prayers so far I have come to one definite conclusion:

God’s got it.

And…maybe the answer is in the BIG Manual–His Holy Word.

In it, I have learned a lot that can apply:

Rather than lament that Keith is not here…
Remember that I have a Counselor even wiser (John 14:16-17).

Rather than worry about the skills that I don’t have…
Remember that other members of the body have other skills which they are graciously sharing with me (1 Corinthians 12).

Rather than bemoan my having to handle this on my own…
Remember that God has a special providence for widows (Exodus 22:22).

Rather than stress and worry…
Remember that God has a plan for my life (Jeremiah 29:11) and His admonitions on worrying (Matthew 6:25-34).

In Him and because of Him, I can get through everything…not just car stresses.

But I could use a few prayers from you all as well.  😉

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. – Romans 8:28

Holes or Holy?

joyouschild Faith Community, Raising Kids Alone , ,

My dad used to tell this old joke:  You know why I am saving these socks for Sunday?  They are hole-y!

(Bad puns run in our family.)

That seems to be the way my life goes, though.

I have been blessed with the task of raising four boys to become young men after God’s own heart (I pray).  That is a daunting task under the best of circumstances.  Add widowhood into the mix, and the task could seem insurmountable.

I could focus on this great big hole in my life.  I miss Keith terribly.  Some days it is incredibly hard.  But…

We have a God who takes holes and makes them holy.

Today alone, I have had four men — yes, four — offer to take my guys places, do things with them, speak into their lives on how to be men for God.  God be praised!

These men are working to patch the holes left by Keith’s early graduation to glory, making them holy instead–God’s work, helping my boys become God’s young men.

And that is glorious.

 His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of Him who called us by His own glory and goodness. — 1 Peter 1:3

Applying Lessons Learned, or God Uses Tape

joyouschild Griefwork, Trusting the Father, Widow Walk , ,

One of Keith’s favorite stories about me goes as follows:

I was home visiting my family.  On the day I was leaving, Mom and I decided to go shopping.  We got to the mall and as we got out of the car, I heard a telltale hissing sound from my right rear tire.  After examination, we determined that the hissing was coming right from the tire stem.

My first reaction:  I prayed.  Surely God could handle this tire.  Then, rather than go to a service station, I searched around in the stuff in my car and pulled out a roll of cellophane tape.  I wrapped that cellophane tape around the tire stem and headed into the mall with Mom.  Problem solved.

 We then went on with our shopping trip, coming out every hour or so to check on the tire.  It was holding fast; no hiss.

After we finished shopping, I took Mom back home, kissed her goodbye and hopped in my car.  After another quick prayer, I was off on the 6-hour drive back to my apartment.

The first time I shared this story with Keith, he stared at me, open-mouthed, with that look that only a man can give a woman–that whatever-possessed-you-to-think-that-was-a-good-idea look.  (By the way, I now sometimes see that look from our oldest man cub…outstanding.)

My response?  What?  I prayed.

For those of you in suspense, I did make it home without a hitch and never had a problem with that tire again.

And for me, that is the point.

God had it.  I prayed and trusted, and He came through.

Now, do I recommend tape (of any sort) as a replacement for good car care?  Not at all.  Do I recommend putting the Lord on the spot to take care of our silly moves when we should have made a better choice?  No way.

But, to me, this event was a precursor to how I need to live my life.  Sometimes I gotta just pray and go.

I have had a lot of pray-and-go moments in this grief journey.

I do not always make the wisest choice.  I do not always think things through as I should. But often my choice is this:  be paralyzed by fear, to the detriment of everybody, or make a choice, pray, and go.

Because He has always, always, always been there, even in something small like tape on a tire, I have the courage to pray and go.

And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.– Romans 8:28

Lego Land Mines

joyouschild Griefwork, Persevering through Pain, Raising Kids Alone , ,

I have four sons.  That means I have 4 x 1,000,000 Legos in my house.

They are everywhere.  I have a real bone to pick with the Lego people who package up 5 little plastic men with some other random pieces of plastic and charge me $50 for it!  In order to get the precious figures, we add another hundred Legos to the house.  Over and over again.  Each birthday, Christmas, and mad money day.

Don’t get me wrong.  There are hours of fun and creativity in those little pieces of plastic.  Even the big ones still play with them, and it is often a common ground with the little ones, something they can all play where the big ones aren’t too bored (unlike Candy Land).

But there is a down side to Legos.  They are excruciatingly painful when you step on them.

Of course, they are all supposed to be picked up before the boys go to bed.  I try to do a sweep myself as well so that when I come down for my quiet time, I don’t impale myself on one.  But it occasionally still happens.  And boy, does it hurt!

Grief is like that.

Like the Legos on the floor of my house, I occasionally trip on my grief and have the searing pain of the loss all over again.  All I can do is sit there and wrap my arms around myself for a minute until the pain passes.

I have been through many of my “firsts,”  I am not even talking about the firsts you know you will have–first Christmas, first birthday, first Easter, etc.  There are a lot more firsts you never think of until you step on them–first time mowing the lawn, first tax season, first car repair, first trip to the ER, first call to poison control (I have made three since Keith died–yep, three).

The pesky Legos of the firsts also have another flavor, wrapped in the candy wrapper of the good things in life, the ones I really wish I could share with Keith–first baptism, first lost tooth, first words read, first vacation, first soccer goal–on and on.  And there are more on the horizon–first time driving a car, first girlfriend, first graduation, first wedding, first grandchild…

You never realize how many firsts there are in life until you face them alone, trying to respond to them as two people would.

But here’s the cool thing.  There is a Friend who sticks closer than a brother, who is there for all my firsts, all those moments when the pain is so excruciating I think I will never walk again.  Just like I comfort my little guys when they happen to step on a piece of plastic, Jesus comforts me each time I step on a first.  He is there, there, there!

And He always will be.  That’s a promise.

He will wipe every tear from their eyes.  There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain…  – Revelation 21:4a