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Remembering Hope

joyouschild Griefwork, Loving Again, Raising Kids Alone ,

A couple years ago we met a new family at soccer.  As we were talking about our common love for Christ, our common activities, and our common friends, I shared that I am a widow.

I don’t always share my widow status with others. Never wanting to garner pity, I prayerfully consider before sharing this fact. Is sharing this part of my testimony going to be beneficial to them or to me…or would it simply be some sort of stumbling block, causing a sense of difference between me and them.

This day I was rewarded for my sharing with a picture that has stayed with me since then.

That dad, a big, strapping guy, military reservist, currently in law enforcement, was nearly undone at the thought that my little boys did not have a daddy here on earth.  He looked at me, not with pity, but with a compassion that stirred my soul and still gives me a warm feeling when I remember on it, coming close to tears as he reflected on boys growing up without their dad.  And right then I knew what kind of father he was.

And, as usual, it got me to thinking.

Jackson is currently reading Johnny Tremain by Esther Forbes.  In it, one of the characters, Mrs. Lapham, continuously talks about her “poor, fatherless girls” as a pity play.

Now, I could go there.  I could pity myself.  I could bemoan my state in life, the lack of a dad here for the boys.  I could see this even with our friend and just one more example of how much we are missing.

I choose instead to see hope.

I see in this friend the fact that good men do exist.  Strong fathers exist.  Men care about others.

It may not be in God’s plan to give us another man in our lives.  But it may be.  Only He knows at this point.

Regardless, He’s got it covered…my life, and that of my boys…and He will give us what we need.

Of that I am absolutely certain.

Are not five sparrows sold for two pennies? Yet not one of them is forgotten by God. Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows. – Luke 12:6-7

Daddy’s Girl

joyouschild Faithwalk, Trusting the Father ,

There is a dad whom we see every morning walking whom we find intriguing.  He walks his middle school-age daughter to the bus stop each morning and waits with her for the bus.  Then he walks back to the house and drives off to work.

I must admit that he has caused us to speculate.  Is there potential for trouble at the bus stop?  Is she a problem?  Has he a need to ride the bus?  All idle speculation, but I think born of a desire to understand, not gossip.

After watching him since the start of school, I have come to the realization that he is just a dad who loves his daughter.  He loves her enough to eke out each moment he can with her in the mornings, not letting his schedule get in the way of his love.  And that is beautiful!

Almost even cooler is the fact that she doesn’t seem to mind.  She seems to enjoy her moments with her dad just as much, not copping a preteen attitude or acting embarrassed.  The mark of a close daddy-daughter relationship.  And that is beautiful, too!

I have a great dad.  I don’t tell him enough, but I really do (yes, I am sending him this blog).  He is strong and brave and has had my heart from the time I was a little girl.

He is the type of dad who would walk me to the bus stop, I am sure of it.

My dad has been my number one fan since I was a little girl, accepting me as a bright and capable person, and encouraging me to reach for the stars.  He has always been fun and funny, a fact that my children now appreciate as well.

In fact, my dad is so wonderful that when I married Keith, I looked for qualities that were like my dad…decisive, bright, dedicated to family, loving and caring.

Because of a good relationship with my earthly father, it was easy to develop a relationship with my Heavenly Father.  And that has been crucial in this widow’s walk.

From the beginning of this journey, I have crawled up in Daddy-God’s lap, much like I climbed up in my daddy’s lap, accepting His love and support, His direction in my life, His love and acceptance…much as I have always accepted these things from my daddy.

That is a beautiful and special place to be all around.

And I cannot imagine my life without either one of them.

Praise be to the Lord God, the God of Israel, who alone does marvelous deeds.  Praise be to His glorious name forever; may the whole earth be filled with His glory.  Amen and Amen.  — Psalm 72:18-19

Manna to this Momma

joyouschild Faith Community, Raising Kids Alone, Widow Walk , ,

God’s got it.  I know that.  He has shown in so many ways, and in so many instances!  I have faith in Him.

But sometimes in my heart of hearts, I wonder how He will work it out.

Today, I got a bit of an answer.

My dear friend Lorie had my little two over to play at her house with her youngest.  They were playing Playmobil and had invented a game with families.  Jackson was the dad, and Lorie started listening.  Did he get it?  Did he understand the dad role?

Praise God, he did!  She said he was the proper mix of kind and strong and firm and loving.  He gets being a dad, even though he was 2 1/2 when his dad died.

Now, I will take very little credit for how he learned the dad role.  I certainly don’t act the part “dad” but stick to “mom.”  It would not be a real representation of dads anyway, nor of moms.

My oldest steps up and acts the dad a bit, being a very loving big brother, especially with the little two.

I think, though, mostly Jackson has seen it modeled around him, and for that I am so grateful.  Men at church have taken all the boys under their wing and modeled Biblical manhood for them.  Neighbors and friends have allowed them to help them build things, fix things, take care of the house.  They have talked endlessly about sports and guns and “guy stuff.”  They are crucial to me surviving as a single mom.

Even in a world where dads are often ridiculed as dumb, unnecessary, or irrelevant (look at most TV dads), the men around us are coming out of their comfort zones and away from their own busy home life to work with my boys.  My guys are getting what they need to be dads themselves some day.  The gap is being filled.

God’s got it, and I don’t have to worry.

And that is certainly manna to this momma’s heart.

Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us, to Him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.– Ephesians 3:20-21

Holes or Holy?

joyouschild Faith Community, Raising Kids Alone , ,

My dad used to tell this old joke:  You know why I am saving these socks for Sunday?  They are hole-y!

(Bad puns run in our family.)

That seems to be the way my life goes, though.

I have been blessed with the task of raising four boys to become young men after God’s own heart (I pray).  That is a daunting task under the best of circumstances.  Add widowhood into the mix, and the task could seem insurmountable.

I could focus on this great big hole in my life.  I miss Keith terribly.  Some days it is incredibly hard.  But…

We have a God who takes holes and makes them holy.

Today alone, I have had four men — yes, four — offer to take my guys places, do things with them, speak into their lives on how to be men for God.  God be praised!

These men are working to patch the holes left by Keith’s early graduation to glory, making them holy instead–God’s work, helping my boys become God’s young men.

And that is glorious.

 His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of Him who called us by His own glory and goodness. — 1 Peter 1:3

How We Spend Father’s Day

joyouschild Faith Community, Raising Kids Alone , ,

Often I have been asked if this holiday in particular is difficult.

Blessedly, it is not.

On this day that honors fathers, we instead choose to focus on what we do have, not what we have lost.  And that is truly a lot!

This year, as every year since Keith died, my boys have figured out cards for the men at church whom God has convicted to be part of our lives.  This year’s card said, “As a father figure, you’ve nailed it.” and we included a nail in the cards.  We passed out upwards of 18 cards, and probably could have used a few more.

They get really excited, dashing around church looking for each of the men.  They welcome them with a big hug and present the cards.  They even fight over who gets to give cards to which man.

The men were touched.  One of our friends even got a bit teary (yep, I said it, though I won’t confess which friend).  I myself got choked up a few times.

This year we had the added blessing of taking a dear friend whom the boys call “Uncle” out to lunch.

All in all, a happy day here.

It’s HUGE that so many men from our congregation have followed the Biblical model and taken care of this widow and these fatherless boys.  I have said it before, and will say it again:  I cannot be a guy.  If I even tried, it would be dishonoring to myself as a woman, and dishonoring to my Creator.  Therefore, I rely heavily on the men in our lives to come alongside my boys to “father” them, modelling for them Biblical fatherhood.

And these men have never let me down!  There is always one ready to jump in and catch a ball, wrestle a boy, pat a shoulder, give a high five, teach a manly skill, or fix a door.

No question about it, my boys will remember the love showered upon them by so many, and, Lord willing, will model it in their own homes and in their own churches when they are grown.

And they will also remember the source:  the Lord God Almighty. Everything that has been done for us and to us has been in the name of the Lord.

Even though their earthly father took the early train for glory (going ahead to prepare our mansion, as I told baby Tanner so often right after Keith died), they have a heavenly Father who’s got it covered here on earth.

And so do I.

Because of the Lord’s great lovewe are not consumed, for his compassions never fail.  They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.  I say to myself, “The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for him.” — Lamentations 3:22-24

Seasons of Soccer

joyouschild Grace Again and Again, Raising Kids Alone , ,

Single mom raising a passle of boys = a hair-raising (or should I say hair-graying) experience!

Especially in the area of sports.

But God provides, sometimes in ways I don’t expect, but I can certainly glory in.

Alex’s second soccer season, he had a coach named Scott who had a daughter a bit younger than Alex on the team.  He was a great coach–nice, good with the kids, the right amount of praising them and driving them.

We were blessed when two seasons later, Matthew had the same coach.

Right after that season, Keith died.

I called one of the moms on the team to tell her.  Keith had been sick and in the hospital during part of the season, so they were somewhat in touch with what was going on.  This mom took it upon herself to call the whole team.

Imagine my surprise when, right with the family, Scott walked into the funeral home for the viewing.  I was gratified that he chose to come and express his sympathy, but what he did next quite literally floored me.

He sat down, prepared to stay the whole length of the viewing, and talked sports with my big boys.  Just talked.

Since then, this family, mostly Scott, has become a part of our lives, showing up just when my boys need them.

The next spring, Scott showed up between his kids’ games to watch Alex play.  Matthew, wanting to get his attention, went over and started talking to him.  Then another adult came to talk to Scott.  Scott had the conversation with the adult, but kept him arm around Matthew for like twenty minutes.  Matthew gloried in the male attention.  I thanked God for His provision (and asked Him when he was going to fill that dad spot, but that is another story).

Later that same season, Matthew scored his first goal.  I was in the car with the little ones at the time, avoiding a drizzle.  Alex ran back to the car to tell me Matthew had scored, and I was bummed that I had missed it.  Once again, however, God provided.  Scott happened to be again between games and saw it and was able to whoop and holler for him.

Fast forward a few seasons until Jackson starts playing soccer.  We were blessed once again to have Scott be our coach.  More time for him to speak into my kids’ lives.

Jackson did not score his first goal that season, but when he did a season later, it was against the team Scott was coaching, and even though he was the opposing coach, Scott hugged my son and told him what a great job he did.  He also witnessed Jackson’s second goal (again, I missed it, being on the field with another son–story of my life).

(I have told Scott several times that I wish they had four kids so that there could be one Tanner’s age that he could coach as well.)

Do you notice a theme here?  God providing through a precious family, a precious man, who just loves on my kids when he gets a chance.  He takes the opportunity when it is presented to him, and God has used that mightily to comfort my boys, to strengthen them, to fill in part of that missing “dad” piece.

Here is the part that amazes me.  This is not a believing family.  (My boys here want me to say…NOT YET!)  God is using someone who is not even on board with His general plan to speak so mightily into the lives of my boys.

Provision, my friends, provision!

The LORD remembers us and will bless us – Psalm 115:12a