God’s got it

Mousetraps

joyouschild Faithwalk, Persevering through Pain, The Storms of Life, Trusting the Father , ,

This morning I saw a mouse run across my kitchen floor.  I literally heard the little scampering feet and looked up to see a little dark streak out of the corner of my eye.

My first reaction was to fuss at Dakota, our Great Pyrenees, who was not 6 feet from there, dozing while I did my Bible study.  She should be reacting to this little invader.  She surely reacts strongly enough to every random car and child on a bicycle that comes near the house.

Next, I stalked the little critter to see if I could tell where he had gone. Alas, no luck!  I also had no shoes on, if he did run out at me.  Yes, I would stomp him if I could.  Bloodthirsty or no, he has invaded my territory and the gloves are off.  He’s going down!

So, I pulled out my box of mouse-eliminating paraphernalia.  Oh, I have some of everything!  Old fashioned, standard mousetraps, and glue traps of various shapes and sizes.  (I don’t do poison because of dogs and children.)  They are now placed in some strategic locations.

Then I started looking for the why of the situation.  Is there spilled food somewhere that I missed that is attracting him?  I checked in the pantry and then headed to the garage.  Sure enough, I found a ton of dog food on the floor behind the dog food container.  Note to self:  find a better way for the 5-year old to dip up the dog food.  I cleaned up the dog food and went back to my Bible study.

I probably should have been more prepared, had my traps out already.  It is fall and we have had some cooler days.  Inevitably this time of year, some furry critter is foolish enough to try to find hospitality at the Wright house.  And, inevitably, he never makes it out alive.  I am determined here.  I don’t want those nasty creatures in my home, touching my stuff.

But am I this determined when it comes to keeping out the nastiest creature of all — Satan?

Y’all, I had a whole blog post prepared for this morning.  Reading back over it, it was a bit…whiny.  I know that days like this come, that they are part of life here on this rock, especially in grief, but do I need to wallow in them?

I had been unprepared for the Creature scurrying in under cover of night whispering yuckies in my ear…and he is the one who is in charge of the night!  I should have expected him.  I should have been better prepared to handle the situation, both before and after.  That negative poison is no good for me…and certainly is not good to spew out and pass on in this venue.

In my personal Bible study this morning, I was reading toward the end of the book of Nehemiah.  The remnant who had returned rebuilt the wall in record time, and they praised God for that, but they still had some concerns…chiefly, their brothers and sisters still in captivity.

Know what they did?  They spent time rereading to the assembly the Word of God and retelling the God story they had been given.

My God story over the past nearly-five years could fill a book…in fact, I hope to do just that.

God has been there, there, there!  By recounting that story, remembering all the times He has taken care of me, held me up, saved me from the darkness that could envelope me…I can be free of it.

But it is all about choice.

I have to be prepared, then be ready to take action…away from Satan and toward God.

God can handle my bad days.  After all, He knew they were coming.  In His word, He says “in this world you will have trouble” (John 16:33).  But He also says to take heart, for He has overcome the world.

So my whining will be replaced by rejoicing.  It could be much worse than it is.  Those negative thoughts, that whiny-ness serves no purpose.  I can acknowledge the tough days to God and move on.

The ugly little thoughts are going down, just like the critter in my house.  I am determined!

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;in all your ways acknowledge Him,and He will make your paths straight. – Proverbs 3:5

A Tale of Two Gifts

joyouschild Faith Community, Faithwalk, Griefwork, Joy in the Journey, Trusting the Father , ,

This week I got two precious gifts of flowers.

My sweet friend Shari, knowing that Keith’s birthday had just passed, and knowing that gifts are my love language, sent a wonderful dozen multicolored roses. They grace my kitchen counter in their full array, seeming to burst further open each day, yet staying fresh and lovely.  As I looked this morning, their centers are actually starting to show, they have opened so far…yet not a petal has fallen.  They are some of the prettiest roses I have ever received.  They make me smile just looking at them.

The other gift was much different…but equally as sweet.  A four-year old girl came with her mom for the first time to Bible study.  As she left her house, she picked a clover from her front yard, and told her mom she wanted to take it to “Mrs. Liz.”  When she arrived, she shyly presented me with her gift, and we found a vase to put it on my kitchen counter.  This sweet little clover is one of the sweetest gifts I have ever received.

It seems to be a week for me to receive gifts…and God has been no exception.

I have been studying the gift of manna to the Israelites this week, and this gift has a special meaning to me.

God’s provision and His grace floor me…quite literally.

A few weeks after Keith died, a woman called me to come do a security investigation on one of my neighbors for his new government-related job.  This is a pretty routine thing in our area.  As we were talking about my neighbor and the family, I talked about how they had been assisting me since Keith had died, which I found to be a strong indicator of their character and beliefs.

The woman asked me if I was a believer and we started talking about things that were a lot more important than Chris’s security clearance.

She told me the story of her church, which had been going through a really rough time and had lost a couple young members of the congregation.  Her preacher had preached on manna as part of his messages of healing, and about God’s grace wrapped up in that manna each morning.

For the Israelites, there was always enough manna for each morning.  Whether they collected a little or a lot, when they measured the amount, it was always enough to meet their needs.  Not extra, not some to save for tomorrow, but always enough.  As long as they tried, it was enough.

As a result of our conversation…and her promise to pray for me, I am sure…I started mentally picking up my manna for the day each morning as I nursed baby Tanner.

And I got by.

More than that…we continued to thrive as a family.  The manna was enough.

I get asked all the time, “How do you do it?”

The answer is daily reliance on my Savior.  In my own strength I cannot do this.  Not for a day.  Not for an hour.  Probably not for a minute.

In my own strength, I am short-tempered, sometimes mean, and often whiny.

I do not do this in my own strength.

Every day, I am in nearly constant communication with my Lord…through His Word; through His people; through prayer; through uplifting music; through wise words from books, devotions, and sermons.

And it is enough.

The manna has always, always, always been there.

And I know it always will be.

Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows. – James 1:17

Duct Tape, Anyone?!

joyouschild Faithwalk, Raising Kids Alone, Trusting the Father ,

Yesterday at Alex’s soccer game, I made a mom-of-teen faux pax.

He was the goalie, the ball passed by on the outside of the goal (good for his team), and headed toward the road…where there was a car coming.

I couldn’t help it.  Before I knew it, out of my mouth comes, “Watch the car, Alex!”

He shot me a look that said, “Really, Mom?!”

The other parents around me tittered.  They knew I had blown it…and that I would hear it from my teen.

They were right.  He told me later that I had thrown off his game, and that he missed the next shot that came to him at goal because he was afraid what would be coming out of my mouth.  He also told me he would be keeping duct tape on hand in case I lost control again…and that he would leave the field and come use it.

I believe him.  He was steamed…and embarrassed.

I slunk away mentally, properly chastised.

In my own defense, I still have a 5- and a 7-year old.  I have to say that a lot still.

My little ones in particular seem to pay no attention, skipping (Jackson literally) through life, regardless of the dangers that may be there.

It is aggravating and frustrating.  I feel like they should know by now to look both ways…not play with scissors…stop fighting or someone will get hurt…not tip the chair.  I also feel like they should know to flush, to wash their hands, to bus their dishes at the end of the meal…on and on.

Sometimes I correct them patiently.  Sometimes not.

But you know what I have discovered?

God, as my Parent, has to do the same thing with me.

In some ways it is exactly the same as when I correct my kids.  I sometimes do the equivalent eye roll at the King of the Universe, thinking I know better than He.  I threaten and cajole, trying to get my sinful way, even though His “no” has been very clear.  I pout.  I whine.  I act like a total stinker.

But…in some ways, this Parent-child relationship is markedly different.

God does not lose control with me.  He has high expectations of me, to be sure, but He does not have humanness to get in the way of the discipline…or the praise.  He treats me with love always, regardless of what I have done, but corrects me each and every time I need it (which is a lot, let me tell you).  He gives me the wings to soar when I need to, and hold me in His lap when I fail, encouraging me to try again.

Just this morning, I had a conversation with a dear friend whose wife is ill.  I told him about pouting to God and telling Him, the God of the Universe, that I could not handle raising these kids on my own, that I must have Keith here to help me.

Some days I have felt like a failure in the area of parenting (see above…) and some days I have felt like I am doing OK.  Regardless, God is there to correct me, reprimand me, guide me…but above all support me on this journey.  No ego on His part, no ‘tude being sported, no forgetting what I am capable of…and no mistakes.

May I follow that model as I raise my own children!

But, just in case, I’m headed to the store for a roll of duct tape for Tuesday’s game.

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in the heavenly realms with every spiritual blessing in Christ.  For He chose us in Him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in His sight.– Ephesians 1:2b-4

Stoned or Walled In?

joyouschild Griefwork, The Storms of Life, Trusting the Father , , ,

The Lord tears down the house of the proud, but he sets the widow’s boundary stones in place. – Proverbs 15:25

I read this verse earlier this week and it struck me.  I thank God every day that He maintains my boundary stones.

Today it happened again.  This verse became real as God upheld my boundary stone…in the form of my wall.

This morning I stepped out of my bedroom and felt water on the carpet.

Living in the house I do–with the people and animals I do–I bent down to smell the floor and make sure it was really water.  (It was.)

Then I realized we could be facing quite a conundrum here.  Especially since I had just been spending time in prayer with God discussing the schedule for the next few days and how tight it would be.

God is forever setting my boundary stones in place as far as my time. 

That’s because I really, really, really need it.

I have once again over-committed our family, which inevitably leads to stress and confusion.

When I get these checks from God it simply makes me prioritize my life better.  He is looking out for me, and keeps my boundaries in place by the way He pushes me to move at times.

So…blessing number one:  the water was simply overflow from the drip pan on the A/C in the attic.  My neighbor Jeff was home this morning and snaked it for me and cleared out the clog.  He also told me to dump in some bleach to clean out the gunk in there.  Easy for me to do.  

Blessing number two:  looking at the complicated nature of our schedule, my oldest graciously decided to not attend the lock-in at church tonight so that my stress level is down–no fussing, no complaining, totally gracious.  He continues to surprise me with his maturity!  What a blessing he is!

Blessing number three:  even in this, I did not lose control, stress out, or fuss at anyone (too much)–real progress for me.  (My children were so impressed they gave me a round of applause.)

My boundary stones are in place!  God acted, changed me, refined me some, and it wasn’t even too painful.

Praise God for His indescribable gift!


Gifts of Mercy(Me)

joyouschild Griefwork, Joy in the Journey ,

I don’t know how they do it, but the guys who write for MercyMe must be looking into my life.

If you are unfamiliar with this Christian band, they have beautiful, soulful lyrics which have touched me deeply on this journey.

When Keith died, we did a slide show for the funeral.  The sweet friend who compiled it used two MercyMe songs in the background.  These two songs epitomize the way I feel about not only Keith’s graduation to Glory but also how I feel about being left here.  We think about Heaven and talk about Heaven, but now half of me (often I think the better half of me) is there experiencing it.  It takes a lot of the mystery and inevitable fear of the journey not yet taken away from that place for me…and for the boys.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4ywDqzvKvvI (Homesick)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N_lrrq_opng ( I Can Only Imagine)

As I continued on this journey of widowhood and single parenthood, another MercyMe song deeply touched me.  In the busy-ness of my life, I found little time to just be…to be a daughter of the King, blessed and highly favored.  The words of this song I have played nearly weekly since it came out to recapture my lost self, my inner beauty, and my joy at being who I am in Christ.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1vh7-RSPuAA (Beautiful)

This is not a journey for the faint-at-heart, but it is a journey that, by the awesome and all-encompassing grace of our Lord, is very do-able.  I cling to the good that has happened in my life–the joys that have been brought to us by the fact that we have had the opportunity to be cradled in the lap of the Lord and washed by His healing hands as we journey this road.  To Him be the glory.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e8HgAVenbUU (Bring the Rain)

And even today, may we never fail to help others find the joy we have found.  May we help them on their own journeys as well so that they can experience His healing touch.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3xzaivDbu9c  (The Hurt and the Healer)

Amen and amen!

Waste Not, Want Not

joyouschild Griefwork, Persevering through Pain, The Power of the Witness, The Storms of Life , ,

How many of us have heard that old analogy?  Waste not, want not.

I know my mom used to quote it to me regularly in relation to the food on my plate.

But do we think of this analogy in relation to our spiritual life…to our pain and sorrow?

When Keith died there was, obviously, pain — pain galore.  Deep, abiding pain, that put a pall on everything for a time.

But God is not a God of waste.  In His economy, it is ALL for good, it is ALL usable, it is ALL glorious.

Waste not, want not.

You only have to look at the way the world works together to see that this is true.

Forest fires cause destruction, but also allow for elements to be added to the soil, and for the undergrowth to see the light of day.

Should it be any wonder to us that our grief is the same?

In the greater community, I am able to be an example, a light, a hand to reach out to another — if I take up the challenge that is before me.  I am able to use the lessons learned to show my children, my friends, and others around me the power and awesomeness of our Lord.

Waste not, want not.

Also implied in this statement is that if we waste what we have been given, we will be wanting.

If I had curled in a corner when Keith died and stayed there, I would have missed so much along the way.

Closer relationships, including with God Himself.  Revival in our hearts and in our church.  Beauty out of the ashes.  All precious, precious gifts!

And so, for as much as it hurts, I would not have traded this journey for the world.  Even if I could have Keith back.

Waste not, want not.

Amen and amen! 

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose. – Romans 8:28

It’s Not in the Owner’s Manual…or is it?

joyouschild Persevering through Pain, Trusting the Father , ,

So what I thought on my car was no big deal is really a need for a MAJOR REPAIR or…(gulp!)…a NEW CAR.  Sigh.

Blessedly, this is not a right away need, but a near future need.  So I have time…to think.  Thank the Lord, because something like this takes time for me.  What I know about cars could fit on their dipstick and still register as add oil (total pun intended, since that is where my car problem lies).  This puts me at a definite disadvantage when stuff like this happens.

I have to take it slow to figure out what to do, to make the right decision.  I have already asked the advice of a couple of my “car guy” friends and plan to ask a couple more.  Thank God for Steve and Craig and Diana’s brother and Billy and George!  I have researched on the internet this problem with my car and found out what others have done and what it cost.  Beyond that, I am praying…and praying…and praying.

This kind of stuff is not in a manual…and I think it is natural to fear making a mistake.  There is no definite answer, but various opinions.  Fix or cut my losses and run?  Keep the big gas guzzler or downsize a bit?  Buy new or buy used?

And in my prayers so far I have come to one definite conclusion:

God’s got it.

And…maybe the answer is in the BIG Manual–His Holy Word.

In it, I have learned a lot that can apply:

Rather than lament that Keith is not here…
Remember that I have a Counselor even wiser (John 14:16-17).

Rather than worry about the skills that I don’t have…
Remember that other members of the body have other skills which they are graciously sharing with me (1 Corinthians 12).

Rather than bemoan my having to handle this on my own…
Remember that God has a special providence for widows (Exodus 22:22).

Rather than stress and worry…
Remember that God has a plan for my life (Jeremiah 29:11) and His admonitions on worrying (Matthew 6:25-34).

In Him and because of Him, I can get through everything…not just car stresses.

But I could use a few prayers from you all as well.  😉

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. – Romans 8:28

Applying Lessons Learned, or God Uses Tape

joyouschild Griefwork, Trusting the Father, Widow Walk , ,

One of Keith’s favorite stories about me goes as follows:

I was home visiting my family.  On the day I was leaving, Mom and I decided to go shopping.  We got to the mall and as we got out of the car, I heard a telltale hissing sound from my right rear tire.  After examination, we determined that the hissing was coming right from the tire stem.

My first reaction:  I prayed.  Surely God could handle this tire.  Then, rather than go to a service station, I searched around in the stuff in my car and pulled out a roll of cellophane tape.  I wrapped that cellophane tape around the tire stem and headed into the mall with Mom.  Problem solved.

 We then went on with our shopping trip, coming out every hour or so to check on the tire.  It was holding fast; no hiss.

After we finished shopping, I took Mom back home, kissed her goodbye and hopped in my car.  After another quick prayer, I was off on the 6-hour drive back to my apartment.

The first time I shared this story with Keith, he stared at me, open-mouthed, with that look that only a man can give a woman–that whatever-possessed-you-to-think-that-was-a-good-idea look.  (By the way, I now sometimes see that look from our oldest man cub…outstanding.)

My response?  What?  I prayed.

For those of you in suspense, I did make it home without a hitch and never had a problem with that tire again.

And for me, that is the point.

God had it.  I prayed and trusted, and He came through.

Now, do I recommend tape (of any sort) as a replacement for good car care?  Not at all.  Do I recommend putting the Lord on the spot to take care of our silly moves when we should have made a better choice?  No way.

But, to me, this event was a precursor to how I need to live my life.  Sometimes I gotta just pray and go.

I have had a lot of pray-and-go moments in this grief journey.

I do not always make the wisest choice.  I do not always think things through as I should. But often my choice is this:  be paralyzed by fear, to the detriment of everybody, or make a choice, pray, and go.

Because He has always, always, always been there, even in something small like tape on a tire, I have the courage to pray and go.

And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.– Romans 8:28

Intruder Alert!

joyouschild Grace Again and Again, Trusting the Father , ,

This past Wednesday, I let the dogs out for their morning constitutional as usual.  Shortly thereafter I heard Dakota, our Great Pyrenees, barking the “intruder alert” bark.  I hightailed it out to yard for two reasons:  I was concerned about what had alerted her, and it was early in the morning and I did not want her disturbing the neighbors.  She was furiously barking into the window well of one of the basement windows.

I got that prickly feeling, thinking, could somebody possibly be in our basement?  As I walked a bit closer, I realized that instead of looking into the house, she was actually looking at something in the window well.  Fearing that it might be slithery, I slowly walked closer…

It was…a turtle.  How it got there, I’ll never know.

I have to say I was proud of Dakota.  When you have 100 pounds of marshmallow-looking mutt, you wonder if she will come through and do her “real” job of protecting the family.  Granted, it was only a turtle (tortoise, my kids are correcting me), but it was still an intruder, and she was letting me know it was there and that she was ready to take care of it.  She had proved her care for us in the little things.  I have no doubt she would care for us equally well in the big things.

Isn’t God like that?

More times that I can count, God has stepped in, made His presence known, in the little things in my life.  That made it so much easier to trust Him with the big things, and especially with the biggest thing I have had to date…Keith’s death.

It’s a matter of looking, though, to see that He was there.

I pray that I, and you, can always see Him at work in our lives! 

Taste and see that the Lord is good; blessed is the man who takes refuge in Him. — Psalm 34:8

God Showed Up

joyouschild Raising Kids Alone, Trusting the Father , ,

This was my past Sunday morning:

5:00 a.m. – Get up for quiet time (only chance I get at it – thank you, Beth Moore, for sharing it with me!)
5:30 a.m. – Tanner wakes up (fell back asleep on the couch – thank You, Lord); I keep reading, checking emails, getting out stuff for company later in the day, doing prep work for food to be served
6:00 a.m. – Tanner starts asking for breakfast – over and over and over; I keep putting him off and continue doing reading and my own morning chores
6:30 a.m. – Make and serve breakfast; try to do a family devotion; stop and explain to kids again why you don’t talk when Mom is talking or fight with your brother at the table
6:45 a.m. – Finish housecleaning for company after church (yes, we were the ones running the vacuum that early)
7:15 a.m. – Matthew asks if I can “come upstairs for a minute”; come up to find a dead hamster and a crying boy (Dang it!  RIP, Sandy!  No time to bury you now!); hold crying boy
7:30 a.m. – Pick out clothes for the little boys; fuss at everyone to start their morning chores; hurriedly get into the shower so we are not late for church
8:00 a.m. – Brush my teeth while opening my blinds and I see that my car door is OPEN
8:01 a.m. – Pray the car battery is not dead; send the children out to close the door
8:10 a.m. – Three children come in from shutting car door, armed with baseball bats (they were afraid someone had broken into the car and they were going to have to chase them out); they also found Tanner’s bike down the street where they had left it last night (did I mention in rained overnight — big, wake-you-up thunderstorms?)
8:15 a.m. – Take bats away from children (that was probably a given in your minds, but am including it anyway); give a lecture about stewardship and helping Mom out around the house; continue putting on makeup; fix 4 boys’ hair for church (yep, even Alex needed it this week)
8:20 a.m. –  Finish my own hair and makeup, fuss at everyone to pick up stuff to take to church, turn off lights, and take the dogs out
8:25 a.m. – Remind children not to talk loudly outside because not everyone gets up for church as early as we do
8:30 a.m. – Finally pull out of the driveway 15 minutes late; pray we make it on time to start our morning routine at church (I have something to stuff in the bulletin, as usual, and have to get everyone checked into their classes and be ready to greet)

Whew!  I am tired again, just writing that all down.

Here is the crux of the hardest thing as a single mom:  I have no one to share this with.  We got to church and no one knew of the craziness we had at home before we came, the accomplishment that the car was not wet inside–and that it started, that we made it on time anyway, and that I did not really lose my temper through all this (only a bit).

No one but God.

He knew.  And being the loving, gracious Father that He is, He sent a messenger to me with some strength for the day.  Here is an email I got later that evening from my dear friend Shari, far away and knowing nothing of my day:

Hi – hope the weekend went well.  I just wanted to write and encourage you …. you are doing a great job.  I’m sure it must be exhausting and frustrating, but as I was watching some single parents recently I was reminded of how you are stepping up to the challenge and allowing God to help you, rather than just saying – oh, it’s too hard, so I will give up.  Keep up the great work!!!  Don’t give up – love you bunches.
 
Thank You, Lord!
And my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus. – Philippians 4:19