When my best friend Susan calls, I often tell her I can’t talk because we are “doing” school. She gets it. She “does” school at her house, too.
In the vernacular of my homeschooling friends, that means we are “having” school…learning something. This can mean a variety of things to homeschoolers (we all “do” school a little differently), but bottom line, it means it’s learning time, and we need to focus on the learning.
At our house, we also “do” grief. I don’t mean that we sit formally and talk about our loss. Well, sometimes we do. But more often than not, there’s nothing “formal” about the way we “do” grief.
In fact, it’s similar to the way we “do” school.
It’s different day-to-day, person-to-person (even within our own house). But if we are “doing” it right, I believe learning occurs.
Sometimes that learning is a new or renewed skill. I hadn’t “done” the bills here for many years. I have had to relearn how to “do” them.
I never mowed grass before 4 years ago, either. But now I have learned to “do” that, and even to teach my oldest. Now Alex “does” the grass.
Sometimes the work I “do” is what I call “noodle work.” I have learned to know me better: my strengths and weaknesses; what I want from life; who I am apart from Keith.
Sometimes the work I “do” is heart work: learning to accept God as Father, Husband, Confidant, Trusted Companion. Learning to let go and let God, and to see and accept that He’s got it, and me, all the time. Learning to trust His word as true and relevant to every part of my life: grief, love, parenting, friendships, relationships, everything.
I have heard people talk about what they don’t “do”:
I don’t “do” windows.
I don’t “do” drama.
Even…I don’t “do” grief.
I haven’t had a choice. What was my alternative?
So, I “do” my grief work. I sit often with a cup of coffee and a Bible and learn my Lord and His ways. I slog through the new things I learn to do physically. I find ways to complete me apart from Keith.
And whenever I have finished the next lesson of grief work, I am glad I “did.”
And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. — Hebrews 12:1B-2